Loving Charlie's meltdown. It's ghoulish, but I don't care when he comes out with gold such as:
In an open letter to Chuck Lorre (Two And A Half Men creator/producer) on the cancellation of TAAHM for the rest of the season: "I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists."
On his own magical powers: "I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time--and this includes naps --I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground."
On Major League 3: "Whatever ... If they want me in it, it's a smash. If they don't, it's a turd that opens on a tugboat."
More mixed metaphors for his immense strength and power: "There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."
On how he's a High Priest Vatican Assassin Warlock: "Guys, it's right there in the thing, duh! We work for the Pope, we murder people. We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be? What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes."
His term for people he likes: "Gnarly gnarlingtons."
I'm sorry, what? "If you love with violence and you hate with violence, there's nothing that can be questioned. People say, 'Oh, you'd better work through your resentments.' Yeah, no. I'm gonna hang on to them, and they're gonna fuel my attack. And they're going to fuel the battle cry of my deadly and dangerous and secret and silent soldiers. Because they're all around you. Sorry, you thought you were just messing with one dude. Winning."
On what he's actually addicted to: "The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning."
On Alcoholics Anonymous versus his magical brian: "This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math ... another one of their mottoes is 'Don't be special, be one of us.' Newsflash: I am special, and I will never be one of you! I have a disease? Bulls**t! I cured it with my brain, with my mind. I cured it, I'm done."
Vatican Assassin Warlock? Fire breathing fists? Dangerous and secret silent soldiers?
"Last week Sheen dropped in on a UCLA baseball practice and told the players "don't smoke crack, drink chocolate milk...that's all I got" and walked away. He just walked up to them, said that, then left."