ninehertz

Apparently, there's some skate/bmx/whatever 'extreme' sport festival going on in Swansea this weekend... Apparently...

Fortunately for those over the age of fifteen, there is a free gig incorporated in this otherwise entirely uninteresting event which, whilst mostly comprising various little Swansea oi punk rubbish, is headlined by Swansea Oi!SludgePunkDoomCore lunatics Black Eye Riot and local boys done good TechDoom behemoths Taint and by sheer coincidence, the early afternoon start means that I finish work, meet some mates and get to the gig at about ten past five with enough time to say hi to Dor Riot and get a pint in before the boys get to it, successfully missing the previously mentioned punk mincing.

Winner. Anyway...

Black Eye Riot get going shortly there after and it's chaotic business as usual, although, as a reult of guitarist Lee being on holiday and the early hour limiting their available pre-gig drinking time, they are at least a little more restrained than normal. Also, the fact that the performance area of the Sand Bar is barely big enough for the five of them to actually fit into certainly isn't helping and whilst some of the faithful are in attendence, most of the crowd are teenage skatepunks and hence shit themselves and go outside shortly after kickoff so the sheer levels of idiotic fun they're capable of producing is definately limited. Screamers Dor and Willis, meanwhile, seem to actually be quite enjoying the fact that their sober enough to (almost) stand up unaided for once which means Willis's habitual intersong stand up routine is less hampered by slurring than normal ("This one's about getting down to it with the Mrs... it's called 'BitchSlap'...". Cue lampooning from his lady wife and general lacivious "hur hur hur"s from the male half of the audience) and the boys in the back line are also able to (nearly) keep time with each other, making a more competent and tighter performance. Drummer Carl especially is on top form in a flurry of arms and hair as he throws himself into one of the best impressions of Animal from 'The Muppet Show' I've seen in some time. Of course, with BER, your money buys you absolute bloody carnage so the one fact is somewhat of a trade off against the other but none the less the lads stomp and silly posture their way through their standard setlist with (I believe) a new one chucked in for good measure, ending with the "Everybody join in!" scream along to 'The Cunt' during which Dor and Willis very conscienciously point out everyone they recognise in the audience (never let it be said that the Riot aren't fair to all comers) and then they're back off to the bar where they belong.

Now it's been a long time since I last saw Taint having so successfully managed to be too tired to see the Swansea leg of their tour with Knut and having to work last weekend so I couldn't attend the 5HJ London gig, so I'm very excited about seeing them and they certainly don't dissappoint. Opening with the Jimbob guitar stylings build up of 'The Sound-Out Competition' I'm immediatley wearing a big soppy grin and Jimbob, Chris and Al throw themselves into it full tilt. Now I believe it would be customary at this point of the review to start chucking superlatives like "Face-Melting", "Blistering" and "Punishing" about the place but let's be honest, we all know what Taint are capable of so rather than trying to super-fanboy (which I'll readily admit I am...) I think it'd be better to simply state that this was the best gig I've ever seen them play. Baring in mind that (as a super-fanboy) I would generally consider a 'poor' Taint gig to be far better than a good showing from anywhere up to about eighty five percent of all the other bands out there, I think it gets the point across well enough. For our listening pleasure this late afternoon the boys tear through all the best bits of last years magnificent 'The Ruin Of Nova Roma' including the face-melting (oh c'mon! I reckon I deserve one!) 'Drunken Marksman' and two post-'Ruin Of...' new songs (both excellent and showing a welcome return of The Groove to their sound) before closing the days festivities with a huge sounding rendition of 'I Wanna Kill Henry Ford' and BER split family favourite 'I Fulfil I', the former involving Carl BER (having been sat on a table to Jim's left for most of the set) suddenly launching himself into the crowd in the best stage dive I've seen for a fair few years and the later generating one of the first real mosh pits Swansea's hosted for an equally long period of time.

As feedback hails the end of the set, Al looks on the verge of fainting and Jim and Chris are dripping sweat from the vicious attack they've just unleashed on their instruments and the crowd are fists in the air and cheering their lungs out to a man. I borrow a tenner of my mate and buy a new tshirt and congratulate the boys on a job well done.

Basically then, Fan-Fucking-Tastic! Come back soon lads, it's been far too long...