ninehertz

1. • Jack
   • 
     
     In order to understand the differences between each metal s t y l e, let's imagine a certain situation and its outcome, according to each sub genre of metal:
     
     "High above in a castle, there's a princess who was kidnapped, locked in there and is now "guarded" by a terrible huge menacing dragon"...
     
     HEAVY METAL:
     The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and fucks the princess
     
     GRIND METAL:
     The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...
     
     POWER METAL:
     The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest
     
     THRASH METAL:
     The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her....... easy and quick
     
     FOLK METAL:
     The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes, and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing) and the protagonist leaves without the princess
     
     VIKING METAL:
     The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle and burns the place before he leaves
     
     DEATH METAL:
     The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves
     
     BLACK METAL:
     The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess,drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her... then he impales the deflowered princess
     
     GORE METAL:
     The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her... then he fucks again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time
     
     DOOM METAL:
     The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide... the dragon eats his body and the princess as well
     
     PROGRESSIVE METAL:
     The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist
     
     GLAM METAL:
     The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's hair and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up, convinces her to dye her hair and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color
     
     INDUSTRIAL METAL:
     The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards the dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
     
     RAP-METAL
     The protagonist arrives on a low-rider, sporting an UZI and shoots down the dragon, video tapes himself fucking the princess, leaves the princess and posts the video on the internet.
     
     NU-METAL
     The protagonist arrives in an endorsment clad boiler suit with a DJ, breakdances to some phat sounds, thanks Adidas, Puma and all other sweatshop brands, leaves without the princess, escorted by an army of 15 year old groupies.
     
     OBSESSIVE METAL FAN
     The protagonist arrives in a star wars T-shirt and a dog collar, stereotypes everything into specific categories then returns to handing out flyers all night outside Tottenham Court Road station for 100's of different clubs.
     
     [Edited by Jack at 23:18 on 14/01/10]
   • [23:17 on 14/01/10]
2. • Tim Holehouse
   • I've seen this before... maybe on another board funny though.
   • [12:15 on 15/01/10]
3. • Tim Holehouse
   • Jack Dickinson says:

     
     
     OBSESSIVE METAL FAN
     The protagonist arrives in a star wars T-shirt and a dog collar, stereotypes everything into specific categories then returns to handing out flyers all night outside Tottenham Court Road station for 100's of different clubs.
     
     
     
     This one of course is just Metal Will... ah not seen him in a while maybe they finally commited him.
   • [12:19 on 15/01/10]
4. • Donny
   • Tim Holehouse says:

     Jack Dickinson says:

     
     
     OBSESSIVE METAL FAN
     The protagonist arrives in a star wars T-shirt and a dog collar, stereotypes everything into specific categories then returns to handing out flyers all night outside Tottenham Court Road station for 100's of different clubs.
     

     
     
     This one of course is just Metal Will... ah not seen him in a while maybe they finally commited him.
     
     
     Would be about fucking time.
   • [12:56 on 15/01/10]
5. • Tim Holehouse
   • I'll never forget that night in electrowerkz when he was literally stood there dribbling looking at the cage dancer.
   • [13:06 on 15/01/10]
6. • Eggy
   • love it
   • [21:02 on 15/01/10]
7. • pull-my-plonker
   • Yeah, pretty funny!!
     
     I like the depressing doom metal dude, apart from he needs more beer.
   • [22:20 on 15/01/10]
8. • Eggy
   • i'm gonna steal that in fact.
   • [11:05 on 18/01/10]

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